¼

the things that i care about:
my parents
the tv show dexter
kathleen
the ender's game series
progression of science
people who i believe will better the world
art in all forms
the way that i feel

ive been having this weird cycle going on where i was told once that i should stop putting other before me and the only way i would be able to find true happiness is tending to my own needs. so i start to care about myself, make narcissistic decisions. then i feel greedy and i over compensate trying to heal others where my ego may have harmed them. then i feel weak, like i gave in to others and i need to fix me before i can fix others but i am conflicted. i am tired of just moping about and flipping back and forth between my courses of action. i'm going to take a new stand and stop writing so much on my blog about the ambiguous "you" and more about myself. ill spend more of my life to others and making things work in the real world but this will be my space where i am petty and needy and put myself before everyone else.

something is clearly out of whack; i got angry at someone for forgetting to signal and then i tried to open my house with my car key.