it's my turn to romanticize the present.

im really starting to like life of pi. i'm still not sure what inspires me but i know i wont find it moping around on my computer. lets make it a lunch date. if i fall asleep in your arms feed me ego waffles at three in the afternoon. i will never say i am bored. we were both afraid i would make it into something more than it was. truthfully it's just what i need. i was so angry so frustrated so stuck. its my one hour of flowing creativity after a writers block that got me for months. you don't try to make it last you run with it until the colors run bland and the ink runs dry. i have a few best friends. i have this one. she's the one that grows like a sunflower in a bed of tulips. in bed. sleep like flowers. what defines a bed? what defines a home? a home is where your cat is. i need a cat. i feel like she is still creeping around our house. she's under my couch. i see her sometimes. she scratches at my door sometimes. i know she isnt real. i know it. i was in the story weavers club in elementary school. i told the best stories. i remembered the little details. i kept those mildly disinterested parents hooked. you couldnt predict my twists and turns. those skills come in handy. ANGELA never came in handy. but her t-shirt quilt, and the sunbrella, and the washboard with the bell i never could quite reach, those came in handy. im starting to understand her. i might one day be her. hopefully kids wont be as scared of me. that kazoo filled with spit is the death of me. that water bottle fight in the part is my shade to hide behind. matthew laterza didnt stay long but alexander hammond thought i could write. i sang lyrics and he sat there, whether he was actually listening or not doesn't matter to me because he sat there with me. sometimes that's all i need. remember that time i recited the 24th chapter of the little prince while i ate pistachios and you drew? i talked about that. its one of the parts of my brain they think they can fix. i dont really want them to. chapter 24 is my favorite and i do really think you should read it. it is what you cannot see that is of the most importance.